27 June 2012

The Voice

I hear voices. Ok, not really, but in the interest of full disclosure, I do suffer from musical ear syndrome, a type of non-psychiatric auditory hallucination.  It is really unnerving, but I've gotten used to it.  It actually took me a long time to admit it, because I thought if I did they'd stamp me certifiable for sure.  After my husband did some research, I'm ok admitting it now.  What's one more quirk in my long list?

Anyway, back to the voices.  I don't really hear people talking to me - but I do have that "inner-voice" everyone has.  You know, the one that tells you if something is right or wrong? Your "gut-instinct"?  The problem that comes with being bipolar is that I cannot really trust mine, which is a bummer.  Some days my inner voice tells me I should walk away from my hobbies, because I'm just not good at them, or it isn't a worthwhile pursuit.  Some days it nags at me, pointing out the myriad ways I am not up to snuff as a wife and mother. Other times it will tell me I can absolutely add another ten things to my already full plate with no impact on my much-needed quiet time. And some days, it tells me I can stand on the edge of a cliff and soar, even though I most certainly cannot, lol.

It is exhausting, I swear.  Thankfully, I have learned that while my inner voice may not always be trustworthy, my inner circle of friends are.  My husband is always willing to sit with me, and talk through whatever my little voice is saying, and help me decide whether or not it is telling the truth.  My dearest girlfriends will happily read my rant-like emails, and tell me whether or not I actually have something to worry about (thank girlies - I love you!).  At least I can count on them!

I recently read a book, Getting Married and Other Mistakes by Barbara Slate, and in it the main character suddenly realizes, after a serious depression, that she DOES in fact have an inner voice, and she's ben ignoring it all along.  This post was inspired by that book!  The graphic novel offers a raw, yet humorous look at what happens to Jo after a surprise divorce.  Join From Left to Write on Thursday, June 28 as we discuss Getting Married and Other Mistakes by Barbara Slate. I received a review copy of the book and all opinions are my own.

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